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NBA Announces New Prison League

NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) -  In light of recent arrests of superstars Kobe Bryant, Darrell Armstrong, and Damon Stoudamire, and a looming perjury trial against Chris Webber, NBA Commissioner David Stern wasted no time and announced at a press conference today plans for a new offshoot league.

"In addition to the NBA, we now have our developmental league, the NBDL, and that one for the chicks, what's it called again? Oh yeah, the WNBA. And today we proudly announce the creation of the PenBA - The Penitentiary Basketball Association," said a beaming Stern. According to the commissioner, with all the players and former players in jail, it only makes sense to expand the league into the Federal prison system.

"Our research shows that there's a vast untapped market for sports entertainment in prisons. There's something like 40 million people in jail in the United States, and they don't have any professional teams . . . yet!"  Depending on how many more NBA stars are arrested in the coming weeks the league could begin play as early as this fall.

Dallas Maverick's owner, Mark Cuban, although supportive of the overall concept, is concerned that their won't be enough foreign players in the PenBA. "Maybe we can set up some kind of prisoner exchange program going with Russia," exclaimed Cuban, "Their semi-pro gulag teams of the mid-70s played some incredible basketball!"

Meanwhile, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig saw it as another sign of trouble for his failing league. "Son-of-a-bitch! Well, it looks like we're going to have to contract two more teams," responded Bud, while throwing darts at the map of the US. "It's going to be Houston, and . . . do we have a team in Kansas City? If we do, their ass is gone. Tell them to lock the ballpark up by Friday and turn over everything but their jock straps to the Yankees."

The NBA also announced it's first franchise will be awarded to Joliet, Illinois and will be coached by former Harlem Globetrotter Carl "Pappy" Nettles (Penn State 74-78, State Pen 88 to present). Nettles is serving a 30 year sentence for allowing the Washington Generals to win a game while the mob bet heavily against the Globetrotters.

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