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Hate Mail!
More new hate mail!
Hi:
My name is Michelle Conley. I am Jessica Simpson's Number 1 Fan. I think ya'll all are jealous of Jessica. You wished you was in her shoes. She is making tons of money and you wished you had that money. She might say some crazy things but look at where it got her. She has made three commerials and the money just keeps on pouring in. Funny huh? She is making all this money and all ya'll can do is make jokes about her. haha Who is laughing now.
Thanks,
Michelle
Dear Michelle:
Is this a trick question? "Who is laughing now?" With billions
of people in the world the odds that millions of them are laughing at the
same time would seem pretty good, don't you think? So to narrow it down
would seem to be next to impossible unless I, myself, was laughing right
now at you . . . and Jessica Simpson . . . which I am. Does that answer
your question pinhead?
The Editor
hey Jessica Haters
Just one thing to say really....like u woudlnt wana luk like tht?? if
shes
tht ugly y would she of been asked to b the next bond girl?? let me guess
your gona now say that Halle Berry aint good looking??
i think your web page is a tad sad ..all u do is think of 'funny' jokes that
slag off jessica ...mmmmmm ...your right that's not sad???!! Your telling
me that you've NEVER said anything stupid?? and anyway she may not the
brightest person in the world..but she earns a hell of a lot more than you
do and does things with her life rather than make up a silly website that you call 'funny' a person that you supposedly say 'can't sing' earns
makes 20 million a year..yea what awful talent she has.
FROM A PROUD JESS FAN!!!
CLaire Myles
Dear CLaire:
What are you smoking and can I have some?
The EDitor
I think that your website is
utterly riduculous and is dedicated to losers who have no lives.
These losers use up their time thinking of stupid jokes about a beautiful,
intelligent, successful and wealthy woman that you don't even know!
For the losers who think they have lives hate theirs and feel the need to
make fun of someone elses to make themselves feel better about themselves. The
reason why you write stupid jokes about Jessica Simpson is because you
really wish you could be like her. Dont' deny it, you're just
jealous!!!
Hannah Biddle
Dear Hannah:
Come on, tell us what you
really think of this page!
The Editor
Hi,
I don't think you're being very considerate having a page dedicated to Jessica Simpson's dumb quotes. She's worked hard to get where she is
today, and it certainly took some brains to make $20 million last year. If you think that by seeing a 20-min. tv-show about her lets you have the
right to make fun of her, you're wrong.
Otherwise, I liked your website.
Thanks.
Anna B.
Dear Anna:
You're right, the fact that
Jessica does a weekly TV show does NOT give us the right to make fun of
her. The fact that she's a talentless air-head with an enormous big rack
does. Thanks for clearing that up!
The Editor
Jessica
Simpson Links
Jessica
Simpson IQ Test - Can you get a passing grade?
Jessica Simpson
- official site featuring pictures, music, video, a biography, and the latest news.
Newlyweds: Nick And Jessica
- official site of the MTV reality show starring pop stars Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.
Dessert Beauty - Jessica Simpson's line of kissable body creams, shimmers, fragrance, body mist, lip gloss, and more.
Jessica-Simpson.org - fan site with video, audio, pictures, news, and more.
MTV.com: Jessica Simpson
with news, photos, audio, and video.
Sweet Kisses: Jessica Simpson - fan page devoted to Jessica Simpson. Features multimedia, news, pictures, fan forums, and more.
One Hundred Percent
Jessica Simpson
includes biography, sound clips, filmography, lyrics, and her mailing address.
001pic.com: Jessica Simpson
- features picture gallery, biography, multimedia, and memorabilia.
Jessica Simpson Lyrics
Lyrics On Demand - Lyrics for all your favorite artists!
Top 65 Things People Should Say To Jessica Simpson
Got a Favorite Jessica Simpson Link?
Let Us Know!
Got a Cool Website? Link to Us and We'll Link Back to You!
(E-mail us at editor-ojshp@badjocks.com)
SONG PARODIES
"Take My Bread Away" by Jessica Simpstein
Written by David Brody of the Zoo. A Parody of Take My Breath Away by Jessica Simpson.
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Jessica Simpson Jokes
NEW! Submitted by: Nooshie
Heydari
Q. why doesnt jessica get why everyone is mean to her?
A. jessica dont worry they are all ass wholes that dont noe a good singer when they see one!
how dare you all make fun of her!!!
NEW! Submitted by: Angela
Worrell
Q: How do you make Jessica Simpson
laugh?
A. Read you lame ass website.
NEW! Submitted by: Jame
Kern
Q. what did Jessica Simpson Do
when she saw a sign at a bus stop in florida that said Disneyworld
left
A. she went home
NEW! Submitted by: Marissa
Q: What did Jessica Simpson say when she ran into the wall at the lake?
A: DAM!
NEW! Submitted by: Matt Clinard,
Slidell LA
Q. Did you hear Jessica Simpson almost drowned the other day?
A. Someone put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.
GOT A JESSICA SIMPSON JOKE
OR COMMENT? E-mail it to us at editor-ojshp@badjocks.com
Q: How do you make Jessica Simpson's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: What do Jessica Simpson and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you get Jessica Simpson out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do you call a zit on a Jessica Simpson's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why does Jessica Simpson keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't Jessica Simpson want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said ”From 2-4 years.”
Q: How do you confuse Jessica Simpson?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why did Jessica Simpson call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the difference between Jessica Simpson and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What did the Jessica Simpson say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What did Jessica Simpson say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: Why can't Jessica Simpson put in a light bulb?
A: She keeps breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Why was Jessica Simpson upset when she finally got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the time Jessica Simpson shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: Jessica Simpson going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why is Jessica Simpson's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: Jessica Simpson ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did Jessica Simpson do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
GOT A JESSICA SIMPSON JOKE
OR COMMENT?
E-mail it to us at editor-ojshp@badjocks.com
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Jessica Simpson News
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Actual Jessica Simpson
Quotes from "Newlyweds"
"Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities?"
(Upon finding that the house she and husband Nick Lachey have moved into suffers from a severe lack of live-in help, Jessica begins asking the serious questions--never mind grammar!)
"Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea."
(Jessica asks her husband, Nick, to explain the flaky white meat inside a can of Chicken of the Sea.)
"Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced Platypus?"
(Jessica reveals that while the duck-like stuffed animal that she wins at an amusement park may be called a platypus by most, to her the little creatures always sound like some obscure Sesame Street character.)
"I think I need to go, um...drop some kids in the pool."
(Jessica has just devoured a meal of fast food delights and now feels a strong urge to defecate but doesn't wish to offend others with such bold talk.)
"I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it."
(A tearful Jessica learns that her record label has found fault with the vocals on her new single and that she must go back to the studio and rerecord said vocals.)
"I have bubbles in my tummy...It's just air. It's not stink. Promise."
(After a hearty meal of barbecued hamburgers, Jessica searches deep within herself...and finds gas. Unscented, bubbly gas. Funny, I thought the air was all above the neck…)
"What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad took one of his friends golfing--and it was like one of his first times--and he knocked out a duck. He hit a duck. Like, I'm scared something like that's gonna happen."
(Jessica has been invited along to play golf with her husband and in-laws and wonders whether it's a good idea. What are the odds of THIS happening? And does anyone REALLY believe the stories their dad told them when they were little?)
On roughing it: "Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?"
On the ups and downs of doing laundry: "It is fun putting it in, but then you have to fold it."
On the mysteries of the animal kingdom: "Why were there mouses?"
On the aftermath of death: "Rigor who?"
On how difficult it is to master golf: "My boob gets in the way."
Leah: (motioning to Buffalo wings) Have you tried these?
Jessica: I don't eat buffalo.
Leah: Ha! It's not buffalo, idiot. Oh my god.
Jessica: It's not?
Leah: No, it's chicken.
Jessica: Then why are they called Buffalo wings?
Nick: Baby, come on. You know that.
Jessica: I don't know this!
Drew: Because barbecue wings started in Buffalo, or something like that. You know, it's kinda weird that buffaloes don't have wings?
Jessica: I never thought about it.
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